So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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