Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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