You just made me feel so damn special
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
