no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
