why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
