I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
