i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
