I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
