wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it because I queefed?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
