Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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