Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
