ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
