***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
