exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
