i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize