I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
