Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Enjoy the penises
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
