I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
