I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
