Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
