Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize