Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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