I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize