I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
