If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize