I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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