You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
