Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
