There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
