the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
