Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
