I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
