remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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