He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
