Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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