oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
