You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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