You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
