im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
