I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
