hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
