fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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