You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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