my text book just quoted the cookie monster
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
