i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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