I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
