Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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