ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
