I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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