At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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