I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
