Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
