got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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