you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize