your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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