There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
