He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
