Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No more Irish car bombs ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
