Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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