I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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