if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
