why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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