Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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