Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
