And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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