i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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